


can't help but love you

by annadavidson



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Dragon Age Prompt Exchange, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 18:58:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10703100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annadavidson/pseuds/annadavidson
Summary: Damn it, damn it, damn it.Prompt: Isabela flees with the Tome but begins to regret her decision the further she gets from Kirkwall. Is Hawke important enough to her that she could give it all up?





	can't help but love you

Damn it, damn it, _damn it._ Isabela was far enough away that she could pause and risk looking back. She could see smoke rise from the city. If she concentrated, she thought she could hear screams. The Qunari were attacking, and she was certain Hawke would be in the middle of all of that chaos… _Stella_ would be in the middle of that chaos. Over these past few years she had grown close to the blonde rogue with that dashing smile and morbid sense of humor. Closer than she had expected.

 _Lovers_ was a word she wasn’t entirely comfortable using. It could mean something casual, hot, fast or something long, slow, _committed._ She used to think she knew which one she wanted, but then she had seen one of Stella’s rare smiles. She had felt her heart skip and something that had felt off suddenly felt just right. Perhaps it was the world, her life. She hadn’t thought a smile could ever capture her heart the way Stella’s had. She had never thought she could love the sound of a laugh more than the waves crashing against the shore. The sea had always been her home. She had never thought a person could feel like home.

The Tome felt heavy in her hands. A dead weight that she was tempted to just drop or throw it to the flames and let it burn. She had known from the start what the Qunari were after, that they would never leave Kirkwall – not without the Tome. Why were they so stubborn? Couldn’t they just write a new Tome and let her keep this one?

Her gaze drifted from the flames that lit the night’s sky to the paperweight in her hands. For the first time since she’d gotten her hands on it, she found herself doubting. Why did she need it? Was this book more important than the bodies burning, cut down by the Qunari’s vengeance? _Was the Tome more important than Stella?_ Her breath hitched at the thought of the Arishok’s sword piercing Stella, her body hoisted on its blade for display, used as a prop to discourage others from speaking out against him, from challenging his power.

She thought of Stella’s arrows raining down on the Qunari until there were none left in her quiver. She thought of the other woman using her bow as a blunt force before whipping out her daggers. She would hack and slash at Qunari flesh until her muscles screamed with exhaustion, and even after that, she would fight on. She thought of the Qunari overwhelming her. She could picture the desperate look in the other rogue’s eyes as she looked around to see her companions taken out by Qunari blades and lances.

 _“Isabela!”_ Stella would cry out for her help, look for her, reach out to her only to discover she wasn’t there. The Arishok’s blade would pierce her from behind. Maybe a tear would roll down her cheek as the last thought she would ever think was why her lover had abandoned her.

 _“Shit!”_ Isabela cursed and resisted the urge to throw the Tome down. It was just her imagination. She had faith that the Hawke and her little merry band of misfits could and would defeat the Qunari. She knew what Stella was capable of firsthand. But at the same time… She couldn’t get that fabricated image out of her head. She couldn’t stop hearing Stella calling out for her.

She was so close! The Qunari would be too busy destroying Kirkwall and taking over. By the time they noticed she was gone, it would be too late. She would be far away and out of their grasps. But would they ever stop looking for her? Would she constantly be on the run? Would she constantly be wondering what could have been if she’d stayed? She scoffed. If she had stayed, she’d be dead or taken prisoner by the Qunari. That wasn’t the way she wanted to live her life – or end it, rather. She didn’t want to live in chains or be converted to the Qun. She wanted freedom!

But could the Tome give her that? For years, she had had to look over her shoulder, wondering when the Qunari would figure out she was there. When would they come after her? But with Stella, she had been able to relax. The future had always been uncertain, but with Stella, she had been certain about one thing – she cared about the other woman, who cared about her in return. She had seen a side of the infamous Hawke that no one else had – a soft, vulnerable side.

She remembered the way Stella smiled, brilliant and charming. The way she was quick to become aggressive and protective of those she cared about, of _her._ The way she fought as if she was dancing, her daggers and arrows an extension of her body. The way she put her hair up in a ponytail when traveling, but let her hair fall loosely, cascading her face when she was home. The way she turned into a puddle of affection for her mabari. The way she kissed, passionately, expertly. The way she treated Isabela as if she was a treasure, the loveliest jewel that a thief might try to steal. Instead she had done the stealing. She had done the impossible – she had stolen a thief’s heart, a thief’s love.

Before she fully knew what she was doing, Isabela was turning on her heels, Kirkwall in her sights. She didn’t even know if Stella or anyone else she knew were still alive. She didn’t know if anyone was left alive, or if the Qunari had burned them all. But what she did know was that it wasn’t worth it. The Tome wasn’t worth losing the semblance of a life she had started to build. The Tome wasn’t worth losing the friends she had started to make. It wasn’t worth losing the woman she had started to fall for.

So against her better judgement, she returned to Kirkwall. She slashed and hacked down any Qunari who tried to stand in her way, balancing the Tome between her body and an arm. She made her way to the center of the city, of the fighting. If Stella was alive, she knew she would be there. And when she made it there, when she entered, calm and composed, her eyes drifted to that blonde head covered in specks of blood. And when Stella saw her, the woman’s face lit up with relief and a smile.

And despite all she was risking, despite what she was giving up, at that smile, returning was worth it all.

**Author's Note:**

> Like/reblog on Tumblr [here](http://magicrobins.tumblr.com/post/159878715025/cant-help-but-love-you).


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